


Moments in a bottle

by Togi



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friendship, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-06-18 17:00:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15490521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Togi/pseuds/Togi
Summary: He looked at me, quietly. In his starry brown eyes, I saw tears brimming behind, heard a despaired “Why?”, felt a kind heart collapsing, tasted his bitter grief… And underneath it all, the scent of his love still lingered. I would have told all these if he was ready to hear. “You make me like this,” I would have said, “You make me so attuned to everything, I receive a single gaze of yours with all my senses. If he would allow me, I will spend a lifetime trying to convince him. That I love him.Ever since he was so young, just a little child, that I didn’t know what to do with my feeling. All through the push and pull, when he gravitated toward then drifted away. That I could be worth anything, anyone he has to give up.





	1. House of the rising sun

The very beginning was the very best. Yuzuru was distant, shining star and Keiji was older, more skilled than him. Shoma could barely make it through the program without keeling over. When he finally made the podium, he was just over Yuzuru’s waist.  
Come to think of it, Shoma met Yuzuru before he met Keiji. Stood on the podium and shook hands. Shoma remembered that moment vividly. Though he is no longer sure if memory is truly his or recreation of videos he watched afterward, over the years. He remembered Yuzuru’s strange hair and how low he had to bow to meet Shoma’s eyes. He remembered the patterns on Yuzuru’s costume and the glitters. Shoma himself had hated glitters, its added weight and an uneasy feeling that stones would rip and drop all over the ice if he made a sudden movement. After that podium, though, he stopped complaining about it. And costume never ripped, anyway. 

But Keiji. He was the one Shoma got closest to. While Yuzuru was the burning center of sun you couldn’t even look at but strive towards anyway, Keiji was the comforting light that actually reaches and nurtures you. Shoma spent his childhood safely guarded under Keiji’s careful friendship. Keiji would congratulate him with sweets behind Mihoko’s back, bring the skating shoes he forgot to the ring. Keiji would skate past and hand him a bottle of water as a reflex.  
Only Keiji was allowed to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair. When other people did it, Shoma would get so frustrated secretly. Even for Yuzuru. 

Yuzuru didn’t let it stop him. Not that Shoma showed his reluctance outwardly, but still. Back in junior days, Keiji and Yuzuru unofficially took roles as Shoma’s parents. That age-old photo of Yuzuru pinching his cheek and Keiji laughing good-naturedly holds the relationship between them honestly. 

Shoma doesn’t quite understand how it all ended up so complicated. But he does know how it started. When Keiji taught him about love.  
“I can’t imagine spending your whole life with just one person. It is sooooo boring!” It was everyday conversation. A simple word tossed out carelessly by a 14-year-old boy.  
“Well, if you think of it that way. But if you think of one specific person, like, “Spending decades with THAT person…”, then lifetime doesn’t seem too long.”  
That one sentence was the most honest, truest definition of love Shoma had ever heard. It was all the more precious, because Keiji said it thoughtlessly, without preparation. Shoma thought for a moment and said: “That’s true.”  
It also made Shoma little bit envious. Keiji had loved someone enough to imagine a whole lifetime with them. And wise enough to understand that it would not be long enough. Regardless of the outcome, how nice it must be to be sure of love, to have that light in your heart.  
Afterward, Shoma asked Keiji point blank. “The one you were thinking of. Is it Yuzuru?”  
“… Yes. Who is yours?”  
“I didn’t think of anyone.”  
“But you agreed…”

Knowing Keiji’s feeling for Yuzuru changed Shoma’s perspective. It also deflamed whatever fancy he himself had for Yuzuru.  
Shoma looked at Yuzuru, enthralled. But he only saw the bright flame Yuzuru burnt with. He saw the beauty, wanted to be part of it. Yuzuru made his heart flutter, emotions run wild. One smile from Yuzuru, his whole day would brighten up. And if he was too shy and couldn’t muster up a courage to speak to Yuzuru, everything dimmed down to bitter disappointment. This emotional roller-coaster also exhausted Shoma. He was always caught between trying to steer away so that he could go back to himself yet never really able to. But Shoma never thought past getting a glimpse of Yuzuru. Never even thought of a whole lifetime. He had nothing to compare against Keiji’s steadfast, quiet love. The kind of love one would search for a whole lifetime and never get lucky enough to receive. 

So, he shoved down his little crush and supported Keiji, instead. He watched the two interact, listened to Keiji’s talk. He watched Yuzuru carefully, hoping that despite his effervescence, Yuzuru would recognize the worth of Keiji’s feeling. Because Yuzuru definitely deserved it.  
And Shoma always needed a friend more than he wanted a boyfriend, anyway.


	2. Scorching sun

Over the years, Shoma finally caught up with his seniors. Yuzuru and he started to see each other more often, going in same circles, same competitions. Parent-child dynamic gradually changed. Now Shoma was sort of a messenger between them. Bring news of Yuzuru to Keiji. Remind Yuzuru of Keiji, gauge his mood. Time has worked and his own feelings diminished. Something dull always throbs in his chest every time he sees Yuzuru but it stopped hurting, a long time ago. 

Or perhaps, Shoma just pushed it down too deep till he couldn’t even recognize it. Because when the pull came, he didn’t even realize till it was too far gone. 

Yuzuru had been good to him. He paved the way for Shoma in his first year in senior circle, offering advice, pushing if needed. It was not just technical comments about skating or public interactions. He included Shoma to his world, creating a home in a place everything was foreign. There were many times Shoma thought he was meeting Yuzuru for the first time, all over again. Small gestures, antics… Vulnerabilities Yuzuru never showed to even his colleagues, let alone public. 

One of those times happened in Shoma’s most beloved space, a small meadow in the center of Nagoya. Around May, the meadow was filled with dandelions. “It looks very pretty!” He gushed at Yuzuru every time he talked about Nagoya. That year, when Yuzuru informed him that he would come to Nagoya for an ice show, Shoma was almost giddy to show the spot to Yuzuru. 

Unfortunately, by the time Ice show finally rolled around it was already June. When they went to the meadow, soooo early that sun was barely rising, all the dandelions were gone, leaving just a puff of whites. Shoma had been tearfully disappointed. 

“I guess I could show you pictures.”  
“Do those happen to be your childhood pictures? That would be great.” Yuzuru laughed. Then he saw the look on Shoma’s face.  
“This is just as beautiful, Shoma. Look!!!”  
Then Yuzuru run around the meadow, twirling, jumping, like a madman. He shook every dandelion he could touch. Loosened puffs rose in the wind, dancing their own little patterns. Shoma laughed. It was beautiful. 

That was Yuzuru’s gift, that he could salvage anything as bitter as disappointment and turn it into something magical.  
“You should make a wish, Yuzuru.” He shouted. Yuzuru stopped to look at him inquisitively.  
“If you make a wish before blowing on a dandelion, it will come true. It is like a birthday candle.”  
Yuzuru grinned.  
“Ooh? Make a wish, then.”  
Smiling, Shoma picked up one stem and thought hard. Nothing came to mind.  
“I don’t think I need this. I won’t be happy if a wish came true just randomly. Wish is only worth fulfilling if you work hard for it.”  
Then he looked at Yuzuru, the dancing flowers and slow shines of the rising sun. “Maybe time”, he thought, aching. Just a small part of time, kept in a bottle. So that he could stay a bit longer in those sweet moments that came once in a blue moon.  
“Spoilsport”  
Yuzuru took the stem from Shoma’s hand and blew every last puffs away.  
“So if there is a wish you cannot work for, huh?” He smiled at Shoma, his eyes crescent moon.  
“Well, I blew whole field of dandelions today. My wish must come true!”

By the time ominious feeling caught up with Shoma, he was trying to pry away Yuzuru’s hand from his waist. It was a photo session, Yuzuru specifically asked the girl to change places so that Shoma would be next to him. Fantasy on Ice had always been popular. There were cameras all around. And people watching, taping, pointing. 

Firm grip on his waist brought Shoma halting to the ground with terrifying clarity. All the laughing, goofing around… Yuzuru’s attention always on him and now he is plastered to Yuzuru’s side. His smile froze on his face. He was also overly aware of Yuzuru’s hand; how it was shaking. 

A little drop of sweat rolled from Yuzuru’s hair and fell to Shoma’s collar bone. As heavy as a bullet, the drop of water cut a scorching path through his collar bone, over his chest, right to the heart jumping in alarm.  
Shoma tried to push the hand away. “Keiji cannot see this. He would misunderstand. He would never say anything, but he would be hurt.” Instead, Yuzuru grabbed his pinky finger in wise-like grip and burst out laughing.


	3. Of the heart where I have roots

“Love is an exception-making”, Yuzuru said then.   
“You would do things inconceivable to the current you for the person you love. If any act of yours would even slightly discomfort them, let alone hurt, you would wait and do nothing. Even if fighting for what you want is your very nature. If you blossom under thousands of eyes, you would crumble under one pair. I could seduce the most unapproachable man, but I wouldn’t even dare to touch…”   
Yuzuru stopped and looked at him reproachingly. 

Something went out in Shoma’s chest. That sounded terrifyingly like what Keiji said to him all those years ago. Content might be different but the sense of knowing was the same. There are some truths you cannot find by simply thinking or listening. This kind of understanding only comes from experience.   
So Yuzuru loves then. Someone, anyone. But definitely not Keiji. If it was Keiji, Yuzuru would have shown. Despite his reluctance to hurt Keiji, this amount of feeling simply cannot be hidden. Not completely. 

“Everyone around me understands about love”, Shoma finally said. He thought back to all the people who stirred his heart and then faded away just as soon. “I have never felt it. Not even sure if I could recognize it when it comes.”

“You will know it is love when you surrender for a person the last thing you thought you could.”   
Shoma nodded, despite his doubt. Mostly, he was thinking about how to tell Keiji about this conversation. Keiji should know that his feelings are hopelessly unrequited. All those long years, such a true feeling. What a waste. But the how to broach the subject eluded him.   
Simple fact that he had been alone in Yuzuru’s room was awkward enough. The fact that Yuzuru had someone else was harsh enough. How was he gonna explain that they were also talking about love and its cost? That seemed quite an intimate topic. 

Still…

It was always like this with Yuzuru. When they were together, especially just the two of them, the world shifted into a separate universe.   
Time warp sensation.   
When he was with Yuzuru, Shoma felt like minutes he’s living is isolated from the rest of his days. Like if he ended that moment, it would be walking out the door and into his usual life. And the moment would be left in the time warp, separate, untouched. 

That’s how they ended up talking about love when there was a video game on the TV and half-eaten sandwich on the floor. In the tranquility of those unbound moments, Yuzuru is not a champion, Shoma is not his kouhai. There is no outside world full of challenges, competitions. Or even everyday bustle. Anything is nothing, really. 

Shoma treasured this time warp, however short it was, countable in hours, despite his guilt. He always left reluctantly. “Perhaps one day I wouldn’t have to leave”, he hoped “Maybe this is how life is like when shared with someone you love. Once I am with the person I love, my whole life would be like this. No more leaving.”


	4. Some are born to endless night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been trying to edit this chapter and failing. And it has been too long since an update. So whatever, there you go. Any comment, suggestion is very, very welcome.

Olympic was huge for Yuzuru. His golden medal, great achievement in itself. Moreover, Yuzuru won it with nearly broken leg. Through the event, especially after free skate was over, Yuzuru was all over the place. Painkillers, plus adrenaline left him with little restraint. He was hugging there, crying here, laughing next. What Yuzuru is, every one saw.   
However, the most important event (to Shoma) happened way later, when all lights were out and everyone was asleep. Shoma couldn’t sleep. Instead, he sneaked out to a small garden he found the first day he came. There were still people wandering around but Shoma knew a spot where he could pretend he was alone. Between small bushes, under snow-capped trees. 

He stood there, trying to conjure up woods near Nagoya, where he used to play in his childhood. Old memory. Forest was a foreign world. Trees spoke in a different language, the one Shoma could not understand. He used to close his eyes, lay on the ground and listen.   
He used to stand in the silence of the forest and hope for someone to find him. Only there, always there. That was the only thing he wished for when it came to heart. A whimsical wish. For someone he loved to find him in that isolated, quiet place. 

After growing up, Shoma never found the same calmness anywhere else. Anywhere else, except…

And just like that, Yuzuru came walking. Fulfilling a wish Shoma didn’t even dare to be hopeful for. Jagged edge lodged in his throat. Yuzuru’s eyes were wild, he was smiling ear to ear; obviously still high as a kite on painkillers.   
“Congratulations, Yuzu-kun”, Shoma said.  
“You, too”  
Yuzuru stood in front of him, leaning on a tree. Snow fell on his shoulder. But he didn’t seem to notice.   
“You don’t look like celebrating, though”  
“Still feels unreal.”  
Shoma turned away from strange gaze, still aware of Yuzuru only a step away. He was aware of Yuzuru’s eyes lingering on him, as tangible as a lover’s touch. He felt the distance between them, deep chasm and barely there at the same time.   
So when Yuzuru took a step forward, he knew. So when Yuzuru’s arms came looping around his shoulder, Shoma was not surprised. 

Yuzuru gave him plenty of time to move away. His arms came gently, slowly. Hesitating. Shoma didn’t move. He could have. His legs were not rooted to the spot. His muscles didn’t stop working. He chose stay where he were. Yuzuru gave a long sigh and pushed his cheek tenderly against Shoma’s. Shoma took a shuddering breath. Long, drawn-out minutes passed by.   
He should have known. It is the person you love. It is always a person who creates the moment. If you want to hold onto the moment, then you should never let go of the one who brings them. 

Shoma raised his hand to Yuzuru’s. He was never sure where it would have led. Would he have turned around? Met Yuzuru’s gaze? Lips?   
Perhaps in an alternate universe.

Because in his universe, harsh tone of message rang out to shatter the moment completely. It didn’t matter if Shoma left the message unread. Only one person would message him in this hour of night. His hand fell down, heavy with guilt.   
Message read, “I am done with my luggage. Where r u? Do u want help with yours?”. 

Regret rose up like coming waves of ocean. He wished he realized his own feeling way sooner. Told Keiji of them before it was late. He regretted every encouraging words he told his friend, every moment he spent quietly listening to him.   
Shoma did everything, denied all his feelings because he couldn’t bear to betray his friendship. Yet, all those times were just even worse betrayal. Stealing Yuzuru away was hurtful enough. Now Shoma added years of deception to the list of wrongs, as well. 

“I have to go.”

When he glanced back one last time, Yuzuru’s face had shut down like a winter sun, all the tender delight swept away. 

 

When he got to his room, Keiji had collected and folded all his clothings which were discarded around the room and put them neatly on Shoma’s bed. Shoma went, cold all over again, avoiding Keiji’s eyes, and flopped down on the bed.   
“Keiji, I need to tell you something.”  
Unfortunately, next words flew out of his mind. “I am in love with Yuzuru. Has been for quite some time.” And I have tried to ignore it so that I would not hurt you. But I did anyway. “Yuzuru hugged me.” Well, he hugs everyone. “But it was different.” “I want to be with Yuzuru. And I want to be friends with you, too.” How selfish can I be?!?  
Every sentence that he thought of led to another inevitable question from Keiji, which Shoma couldn’t answer to.   
“Is it about Yuzuru?”  
Shoma’s eyes went wide.   
“Yes… I am sorry… I, I…”  
“Shoma, you should be celebrating tonight. You are a silver medalist of the biggest competition that exists. Forget about my feelings. Or Yuzuru. It is not important enough for you to stress. Especially now.”  
“Keiji…”  
Keiji sighed.  
“I know Yuzuru doesn’t have feelings for me. It is not a news. I mean, it has been years. I am the one who should be getting over him. He doesn’t owe me anything. Seeing him with Javier… It’s nothing, really.”  
For seconds, Shoma was too stunned to reply. Then he tried to get back into conversation. Apparently, he and Keiji was having two different ones.   
“No. It is not Javier. Yuzuru…he… he is not with Javier. It is…”  
“Well, not anymore, of course. But they might get together. It looked like so, anyway.” Keiji chuckled a little before adding, “Kinda fits his pattern.”

This conversation keeps turning in on itself, Shoma thought.   
“Pattern?”  
Keiji flinched. If not for that, Shoma might have let it slide without even paying attention.   
“It’s just a joke. You know, Yuzu got together with Javi after he won Sochi, right. And he won this time and they were cozy, too. Just that.”   
No, it would point to couples getting back together. It is not even that. But Shoma doesn’t need to clarify that just now.   
“That doesn’t make it a pattern. And you know that. Keiji, what is it?”  
Keiji sat down, dejected. “What makes it a pattern is that he did the same when he won his first world junior championship.”

Shoma stopped himself just in time from asking with whom. Unfortunately, he didn’t know what else to say. Yuzuru’s first junior championship win. That would be around 2010. Or 2011. Not that it matters. And what does matter? That Yuzu has this strange celebration ritual? That Shoma might be next on his trophy list? Or in all these years of talking, Keiji didn’t tell him the most crucial part? Was he obligated to? Does it even change anything? 

“I didn’t… You never told me.” His voice sounded much more petulant than he intended. Shoma cringed.  
“Oh God. It is not… I was just joking to lighten the mood! You looked like you were about to start crying. Yuzu and me. We were just kids. It started and finished before I even knew. We were rooming together and we kissed. Then we went on few dates, if you could even call them that. And nothing came of it. That’s why I didn’t tell you. It sounded stupid. You go on dates. You don’t tell me all of them, do you?”

Keiji scowled at Shoma. Obviously, he didn’t like whatever expression was plastered on his face. “Don’t start treating me like a jilted lover. And if you start glaring at Yuzuru on my behalf, I will stop packing your things!”   
“I was not going to!”   
Keiji grinned. “You look like you are about to beat him with your silver medal. Sorry about that pattern comment. If I’d known you’d take it this seriously, I wouldn’t have made that silly joke. ”

“Well, good for you”, Shoma thought. But if he tell Keiji about what happened, it might be Keiji grabbing that silver medal. Now Shoma was not even sure how Keiji would react. Would he get angry at Shoma. Or protective over?


	5. My moon, my midnight, my talk, my song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that chapter lengths are wacky. But I have 2 things to say in my defense. 1st: This is the first full story I have written ever. And 2nd, English is not my first language. So, be gentle, please. Though, any kind of comments, however harsh it is, is welcome.  
> (I haven't quite figured out how "beta reader" works. Any help on that is very, very welcome)

Another ice show. Months after Olympic passed in a strange haze. He avoided Yuzuru. Shoma couldn’t bring up what happened without knowing what he wanted first. He wanted to be with Yuzuru, but he could not do it without telling Keiji. And he could not tell Keiji because every time he tried, his tongue would tighten up. Worse, every time he saw Keiji, Shoma started to think it was not worth it. He went years denying his feeling, he could go on longer. Friendship was a rare thing, a precious thing. Last thing Shoma was willing to give up.  
Except, he did not know if the thought stemmed from his friendship or just plain cowardice. He would spend hours, collecting words, sentences he would say to Keiji.  
Then there was another confusion, too. Yuzuru went cold after their moment. Shoma might have been avoiding him. But on occasions where they were together, Yuzuru would not even look at him. So much so that Shoma began to wonder if Yuzuru remembered their little hug. Or if Yuzuru was himself that night.  
He could mule over all these complications, think it over like a broken cassette. Or he could start with small things he could do and let the chips fall where it would. And if he is too much of a coward to come up with a whole plan, let alone commit to it, then he is going to dig a hole so that he wouldn’t have a space to back away even if he wanted to. 

All these years, Shoma tried to back away. That only worsened everything. He thought he made a selfless choice when in truth, he was just shying away. Taking a leap of faith is terrifying. But never taking one is tiresome, too.  
“I need to talk to you. It is important.”  
Shoma didn’t have the space of mind to write up a more elaborate text. That would require thinking. Thinking would open the gate to fear, guilt or doubt. So don’t.  
Keiji’s reply came immediately. “I can see you after evening rehearsal. Are you okay?”  
Don’t think. Just say what you have to. Dig the hole deeper before you can back out.  
“I will see you at your room, then? I will explain everything then. I am sorry.”  
After three dots appearing and disappearing for long while, there was a single “OK” from Keiji. So that’s that, then. Keiji would be waiting tonight, possibly with the whole slew of sweets, concerned for a friend who might not remain as such. 

After he told Keiji, he will go to Yuzuru. That part is even hazier. Shoma doesn’t know how to approach, what to tell, what to do. Yuzuru is a big, empty blank. Shoma wants to know if Yuzuru feels the same. If he remembers the night in Olympic Village. If he would have come to Shoma if it was not for the high. Worse, if Shoma was part of a celebration.  
“Will you be embracing someone else the next time you are on top of the world?”

He could ask all of these. Endure the answer or the lies. Or he could just say the most important thing. Stand in front of Yuzuru. A young man in love, trying the bravest deed, and say “I am in love with you.” Don’t think. Keep it simple. Go with the truth. He doesn’t know Yuzuru’s truth, his intentions. He only knows his own. 

He never hoped for lifetime dedication because he never craved it. Would never ask for it from anyone else. All he wanted was simple things.  
To wake up in the morning knowing that they are together, even if they are oceans away. Short moments he could steal away. Love reciprocated is a blessing itself, with or without physical benefits. It is a right to hold hands. To gaze into beloved’s eyes without having to look away. To send a message and know that those short lines would be received with as much joy as Yuzu's message brings him. Shoma cannot compare his feeling to others and gauge its worthiness. These other people, their universe is foreign. But to him, to Shoma... He only ever loved one person. All his heart, all his pain only ever centered around one person. That should be enough. That IS enough. 

People love in their own ways.


	6. I never wanted to hurt you

Shoma knocked on Keiji’s room with heavy hand and even heavier heart. Part of him still wanted to avoid all of this. All sorts of unfortunate scenario flitted through his mind. No matter how much he tried, he could not shut his brain down. Only thing he could manage was to move his legs, force them one after another. He thought back to the moment he sent the message, his resolve at the time. That resolve was long gone, now. But he remembered that he made one. He had held that resolve firmly in his hand engraved it into his chest so that his willpower would have one clear goal to latch onto when fear has won over everything else. 

But every thing he was feeling, crumbs of resolve, the memory of it, even the fear, tumbled away one after another as soon as the door opened. There, in the middle of Keiji’s room, was Yuzuru Hanyu. Keiji looked flustered as he stood in front of Shoma, halfway between inviting Shoma or shooing him away. For a horribly awkward few seconds, Shoma sought for opening line in his vocabulary and came up with “Uhhhmm…”. 

Yuzuru gave out a strangled sound. “Shoma?!?” His eyes moved over to Keiji, flashing with a world of hurt, “He is your hook up?” Shoma yelped at the same moment Keiji groaned miserably. Yuzuru blindly reached for his jacket lying on the nearby chair, his eyes turned into stone. 

Shoma tried to speak but his brain was too busy trying to conjure a possible story on what exactly happened, how Yuzuru came to that strange conclusion or what he was doing in Keiji’s room in the first place. It seemed to Shoma that Yuzuru’s question would have sounded much more suitable coming from him. 

Seeing that Yuzuru was ready to bolt out of the room, only hesitating because that would mean getting near to 2 of them, Keiji grabbed Shoma’s elbow to pull him into the room, then firmly shut the door. He also made a show of bolting the lock. 

Shoma dared to glance at Yuzuru.   
“I am not here to sleep with him!”  
He might have put quite a strong emphasis on the word “I”. He could practically see Yuzuru’s hackle rose up with indignation. Older man whirled on to him and looked at Shoma like he was personally betrayed. 

Little voice inside Shoma whispered a relieved “Ah, so he does remember.” One question answered. Probably all of them, if he could decipher emotions swimming in Yuzuru’s eyes. 

Keiji was looking at them. Keiji was looking at Yuzuru’s eyes resting on Shoma with a rare vulnerability. He was familiar with that gaze. When there is a person you would do anything for, everything with, but was only allowed to look at, you put all your wishes in your eyes and rest them at their feet. Partly because it is the only form of touch you have, partly because you are hoping it would reach them.   
Keiji was looking at Shoma. Shoma had folded into himself, smaller than ever. Every angle of his body was turned towards Yuzuru, except his eyes. So that was what Shoma was apologizing for in his cryptic message. 

Oh, my little friend. 

Strange how time works. Keiji spent years in the orbit of these two and never quite figured out the gravity that held all three of them together, why they were stuck in a static dance where no one leaves. Now, in two seconds, he understood who was circling whom, the sun and the moon. 

“Ok, first of all, no one is here to sleep with anyone.”, Keiji started. Both of them turned towards him with identical expression. “Shoma told me there was something important he had to talk. I had to protect his privacy so I hid the details from you, Yuzuru.”   
Keiji returned Shoma’s sceptic look. “I just said someone was coming over and he came up with the hook up story all by himself. Then you showed up.” 

Yuzuru looked so ridiculously relieved, if his insides weren’t clogged with heartache, Keiji would have laughed out loud. He had a good guess on why Yuzuru came to him uninvited, out of the blue. He came to see Keiji, tentative yet determined, to unknot the rope he unwittingly tied over Keiji’s heart. Keiji had figured out as soon as he saw Yuzuru. And now he understood the reason behind. 

“What did you want to tell me, Shoma?”  
The question landed between them like a snowflake. Soft caress of friendship, made delicate for its cost.   
There. You can have your happy ending. Both of you. There is no sense in all of us being miserable. 

Yuzuru had gone still. Shoma’s lip quivered slightly. 

“I… I am…”  
Shoma closed his eyes and took a long, aching breath.  
“I am stressed. And I was just hoping if I could stay with you tonight.” 

Even before Keiji could form an emotion, Yuzuru’s heartache dimmed every light in the room.   
Keiji held years of the yearning unfulfilled, ember of hope fed by simple fact that Yuzuru was, above anything, always good. Good, in which he had never been careless with Keiji, never been cruel, not even intentionally. Keiji didn’t know how long Yuzuru had been in love. But Yuzuru must have hoped everyday, in which he woke up in love, that Keiji would just move on, quietly. 

Keiji swam through current of heartache still emanating from Yuzuru, searching for his eyes. It was as difficult to go through as the years after when Yuzuru first went away; when the whole country, the whole continent gone empty with his absence.   
He sought and fought till he was locked into the lovely darkness of familiar eyes. He compared frozen abyss before him against starry sky that shone in Shoma’s presence.   
Then he gave an unmistakable nod.   
Keiji’s feelings had always been in the same wavelength with Yuzuru. It was the only decision he could make.


End file.
